My Grandmother

I know that, during the course of these gratitude posts, I have mentioned my maternal grandmother and the great impact she had on my life. April 21st marks the date of her birth, and today she would have been 107. Amazingly, she was still with us six years ago. Although her health took a steep decline in her last year of life, we all had the joyous privilege of celebrating her 100th birthday with her. 

As with many of these posts there is no way I can truly express all the love, the smiles, the memories, and yes, the gratitude I feel towards Grandma in just a couple of paragraphs. But I would like to just say a few words to honor the woman she was. 

Before sharing my 'list' of thank you's for the precious memories and moments, I would also like to remark how in some ways Grandma was a woman ahead of her time. Her enthusiasm for meeting and embracing people from different cultures resulted in many heartwarming stories, and ultimately a family and network of friends spanning the globe. I see this influence in my own family as I rustle around, sari-clad for an Indian festival, and as I look into my daughter's dark, laughing eyes (oh, how Grandma would have loved her! ).  

Thank you Grandma, for . . .
tasking me with planting all those impatiens around the front of your house. It showed me how a day of hard work can yield beauty for a whole season.
laughing at my silly jokes and numerous voice impressions.
a pantry full of fruit roll-ups and other goodies for hungry kids on our way home from school.
talking to me for hours.
not holding too much of a grudge after 3-year-old me pulled your hair while traveling around Europe in a VW bus.
yanking that plastic bag off my (also 3-year-old) head, even though I cried.
playing 'Mr. Rogers' with me, where we would arduously climb to the top of your stairs and just sit and talk about Mr. Rogers, the king, the tiger, and especially the trolley. (I realize now that you probably had other things to do! 😀)
telling me about your family; all those stories, whether happy, sad, strange, or funny.
sending me letters, even when I was in graduate school, when I know writing must have been difficult.
your delicious pies and baked beans.
that beautiful pewter pin you gave me with the butterflies on it.
teaching me that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be interested and engaged in political knowledge and current affairs.
your love of foxes.
Saturday morning breakfast, enough said.
your beautiful gardens.
your devotion and love for family. 
all those beautiful cards you sent, for almost every occasion I can think of.
coming to my wedding. My dear brother and his lovely wife are the people who made that possible, and despite your difficulties, you made it there. I will never forget the whole family surrounding you as we danced to 'Chaiya, Chaiya' - and you smiling 😊🙏 🙌
for making a point of telling me about your joy at my imminent arrival into this world; that story warms my heart and has always made me feel so very loved.

Happy Birthday, Grandma- I love you and think of you often as I feel your presence in my life.

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This post is part of the Gratitude Practice and post series I began in 2018.

May all beings be happy!

A choice to make

It has again been a long time since I have written a new post. Again, a lot of things have happened, as might be expected. But with the current COVID-19 crisis and the turmoil and pain it has created for so many people, right now my any offering of gratitude I have in my own life could seem very trite, as if I am oblivious to what is happening in the world today.

This sentiment is magnified 100 fold as my own family also deals with crushing loss. Following the passing of someone very dear to us, we are still reeling. How can I continue to write about the chirping birds, spring flowers and 'the good things in life', when the hearts of my loved ones (and my own) are breaking?

I guess what I am trying to say is, I have a decision to make. Although I have been absent for most of last year, I love writing here at BCB. I have not always shared my thoughts and dreams lately, but it is here that my heart and mind often wander.

The question is though, what exactly should I do now? When I first started this blog in 2010, I wanted it to add value to other people's lives by opening their eyes to Buddhism from an 'outsider's' perspective. After an emotionally tumultuous beginning to parenthood, I began a written gratitude practice in 2018. This added value to my life and changed my perspective in a major way. I would also like to think that it has added value to the lives of others as they deal with their own problems and frustrations.

Right now, at the precipice of this choice, I have several options. From the least to the most drastic: I can stay the course with my current gratitude practice, revert more directly to the original purpose of BCB, change course in terms of topic and scope of this blog, or let go of it entirely.

Right now I really am completely unsure about what to do. I know that I do not need to make my decision right now, but if my ever-helpful (and ever-forgiving) readers could offer any advice, now would be the time. _/\_

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May all beings be happy!

   

Where have I been?!

Well, I have pretty much stayed put, but certainly not been writing here at BCB. It was an incredibly busy summer. But I am ready to get back to it!

In addition to finding a great part-time teaching job (grateful), there was a lot to keep me occupied. My husband had some significant health issues around the same time a close relative came to stay with us for a few weeks. Fortunately my husband is much better now (grateful, and knock on wood) and things have calmed down a little (grateful!). 

Another major development I also wanted to share was a serious uptick in my decluttering journey. Over the summer I participated in a 12-week online course called 'Uncluttered', developed by Joshua Becker of 'Becoming Minimalist' and others. Although I consider myself organized, our home is small at around 1100 square feet, with little storage. This, combined with a significant amount of clutter, was a constant source of stress and frustration.

I am not exaggerating when I say that being part of 'Uncluttered' was/is life changing. 

I am also not exaggerating that on top of teaching and being a mom, the course was a LOT of work, and really felt like a 3rd job/responsibility. But, if it could be considered another 'job,' it is one that comes with a big fat bonus of a more spacious and peaceful home. In all, over 20 boxes and 8 bags of 'stuff' have left our space through donation to local charities. Although I am still working on it (the course gives you lifetime membership), our space is now much more pleasant and easy to clean- and I am much calmer. Looking forward to sharing more about this journey with you!

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This post a continuation of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

Spring peepers

The other night I was walking to my car at a local shopping center, and heard a wonderful sound. Somehow piercing the din of the ever-expanding sub/urban sprawl, my ears were graced by the sound of spring peepers. Known by the scientific name Pseudacris crucifer (subspecies, crucifer) these little frogs are one of the first signs of spring in the eastern US and Canada. And after a long winter (both for us AND for them!) their peeping call from both permanent and ephemeral spring ponds is a welcome sound indeed.

Their sound also has special significance for me. As our grandfather's health declined, my brother recorded the sound of peepers in a nearby pond so that he, though bedridden, could also enjoy their call. My brother sat by his bedside and they listened to the recording together, bringing Grandpa some feelings of peace in the last days of his life. That act of love has always held a special place in my heart and further deepened my respect for my brother. 

So every spring when I hear the peepers, I am reminded not only of the joyous onset of spring, but of an true act of compassion by one of the greatest men in my life. And having loved ones with character like that is truly something to be very grateful for.

Image: Okay, so maybe not an actual
spring peeper, but still quite lovable 😊

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

Waaaay behind- and grateful for it!

When I compare recent BCB posts to those from a year ago, the similarities are clear. I am still focusing on gratitude, and celebrating the wonderful people, places, events, and things in my life. But now there is also a difference. Compared to last year's abundant posts celebrating the mundane, the profound, and everything in between, my current posts are somewhat less frequent. 

Cue my own mixed feelings on the issue. On one hand I feel a bit of panic that I am not sharing EVERYTHING I am grateful for RIGHT NOW, on the other I am cool with it. So, I think that I am going to err on the side of the 'other hand', because, well, sanity (remember, I am currently escaping the 'pitfalls of perfection'), and also because it is the truth. Sharing my own moments and sentiments of gratitude has become more than I ever could have imagined: in addition to being more in tune with the many, many sources of gratitude in my life, I have also established this feeling of connectedness. 

Like a kindred spirit, I know that you are there to listen to- and to share! - everything WE have to be thankful for, and that feeling is relayed whether I write here or not. In other words, I am very happy to share my gratitude, but I also know that this practice will evolve, and take on different forms, in both my writing and the practice itself. And that is something I am starting to feel really excited about. 

So although feeling so waaaaay behind would definitely phase me in any other area of my life, that is not the case here, because it shows me how very much there is to be grateful for! 💖

Image: Gratitude, past and present, builds on itself

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!   

A creative outlet

A few months back I purchased a plain straw wreath and decorated it with (discounted!) fall bouquet items from JoAnn Fabrics. I also found a cool wreath kit there called 'Blooming Autumn', but the bright pink and green hues didn't really look much like autumn to me. It was then I realized I could use the same wreath for spring by removing the fall decorations and adorning it with the little doodads from the kit. So, naturally, a purchase was made!

Although I love putting up wreaths and other seasonal decorations, we don't really have unlimited space for every season and holiday, so versatility is important. After the autumn finally gave way to winter, I packed the straw wreath away to hibernate for a while. 

After several months, I decided that it was time to give that straw wreath new life (wreath-incarnation?! 😄). Never mind the fact that spring is probably still several snow squalls and 'cold blasts' away, but now I WILL be prepared with a spring-inspired wreath ! 

So here's to a fun hour spent with a long-awaited project to celebrate an even longer-awaited season. Working on this wreath was a great creative outlet, and something I am grateful for! 

Before: Straw wreath and kit (purchased separately).

After: Finished wreath to celebrate the arrival
of spring (whenever that is! 😄). 

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!   

Great-ful customer service!

About a week ago I was excited to FINALLY receive some items I had ordered online (I do think that the retailer's go-to mode of shipping is literally the 'slow boat from China' 😅). The package contained some fun stuff, including bookends for my daughter's room and some very fancy 'home socks' with narwhals on them. The last item was a beautiful jade/forest green shirt, which, after having gotten lost between UPS and USPS last time I ordered it (don't worry, my money was refunded), I was also very happy to receive. However, when I took the shirt out of its packaging I found that it REEKED of cigarette smoke. 

In addition to being a little grossed out, I wondered, if the shirt was not a return, how someone could be allowed to smoke in a facility where they package these things?! I couldn't help thinking about a warehouse filled with workers and (likely flammable) clothes and people carelessly milling about with lit cigarettes in their hands. (Aside from that thought: I should petition to be Smokey the Bear's sidekick if this whole teaching gig doesn't work out).

Anyway, after being busy with other things for a few days, I finally got around to calling the company. The person who answered my call was SO understanding, and actually REFUNDED my money! I was so surprised, because my main purpose for calling was really to let them know about a possible QC and/or safety issue, not to get my money back for an item that was otherwise perfectly fine. But of course, I certainly won't complain, and am grateful for the unexpected refund.  

So, to that kind associate working long days on the phone in customer service (wherever you are!), I thank you! 😄

Image: It looks a little lighter here, but this is the shirt I received.
I can't wait to wear it outside the house!

 

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!   

Fuzzy fuzzy, cute cute

With a title reminiscent of a 'blast from the past' viral internet video, I will just mention that this has been back-posted to February since this little bit of gratitude is well-overdue!

Towards the beginning of last month, we received a mysterious package (in a good way, not an 'unidentified white powder' way!) in the mail. Lo and behold, it contained some very cute, soft and fuzzy clothing for our daughter that my sister was kind enough to send our way. Our Lotus Blossom has so much fun opening the envelope, seeing the cute card and holding up the clothes to her person, like the little fashionista she (already!) is.

So a lot to be grateful for, including cute and fuzzy (and warm, and soft!) clothes and a sweet, thoughtful sister!

Image: Cuddly duds for our little snuggler! 

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I have been working on since the beginning of 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!   

The pitfalls of "perfection"

As I sit to write each BCB post, I know that the flow of words from my mind and into the keyboard are heavily influenced by something that nags me in other areas of my life. What is it, you ask? 

Perfection.

Or, because I am aware that perfection does not actually exist, the pursuit of. Although I said at the beginning of this gratitude practice that I wouldn't get hung up writing the 'perfect post' for important people and events in my life, I admit, I totally have. 

And really, I should not be the least bit surprised. This is because despite my relatively newfound ability to let a lot of things go, I still put ample pressure on myself to be/do/have the best. I acknowledge that this form of pressure is a double-edged sword; in some instances it has propelled me towards perseverance and success, in others it has paralyzed me with doubt and fear of failure. 

In terms of my writing, for most of my life people have told me that I have a knack for it. That is, until the end of graduate school. After a harrowing experience trying to write, finish, and submit my dissertation, the words of one of my committee members rings in my ears while composing anything science-related. She said, "Scientific writing is precise writing. You need to learn how to be more precise with your words."

Although I don't quite think my scientific writing resembled random prose drafted in a drunken fog, the advice was appropriate- and she was right about the importance of precision. It has been of great help professionally, as I communicated with students and authored laboratory exercises and manuals. Consequently, I believe that advice has also filtered into my BCB posts, especially those focused on gratitude. 

I attribute that need for precision to the personal desire of conveying my gratitude for loved ones and the many things they have done to bring so much joy to my life. But in my efforts I do feel a little bit at a loss. Writing meaningful posts that accurately portray the merits of a person dear to me are taken so seriously that sometimes I get stuck. Yes, the feelings are there and the thoughts flow naturally, but it takes many tweaks and coming back to the post again and again before I finally hit 'publish'. Although it is good to take pride in my own writing, sometimes it's just like, 'Why can't I just communicate without second-guessing myself?!' 

I know in my heart it is because I want to honor the people I care about, and it is not my nature to just crank out posts as part of some spiritual to-do list. That is not what this is about. But in the midst of my quest to infuse truth, clarity, emotion, and brevity in my writing, I do sometimes get impatient with myself. I often feel that the drive of writing the 'perfect post' is holding me back, that I need to find a kind of writing 'Middle Way'. I don't have an answer, but perhaps you do. And you know that any good advice is something I would definitely be grateful for. 😊

Caption: Beauty has its flaws, as flaws themselves can accentuate beauty.

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I am working on. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

Empty dishwasher, thankful heart

Okay so hate is a strong word, but for anyone who knows anything about my daily routine, I absolutely loathe unloading the dishwasher. It is not so much the task itself, but the fact that it is just one of those household chores that wreaks havoc if not promptly attended to. In our tiny kitchen, any delay in unloading the dishwasher seems to quickly bring about cataclysmic disorder that results in a sink, table, and counters littered with dirty dishes and other miscellaneous items. Ugh! At the risk of sounding dramatic, that is just too much pressure to deal with at the beginning of another busy day! 😜

Today I got up extra early so that I could take a walk and run some errands before attending a morning yoga class. Since my clothes, mat, etc. were ready the night before, my outing was not too hectic, but I knew that I would have a substantial pile of work waiting for me when I returned home. After thanking my husband for feeding our little one breakfast and getting her ready for the day, I kissed him goodbye and turned to the tasks at hand. Ready to just get it out of the way, I opened the dishwasher to begin the dreaded clearing. 

Lo and behold, it was EMPTY! My husband had kindly taken the time to unload it, and it was absolutely ridiculous how happy it made me. Due to our current schedule this may now just happen occasionally, it reminds me of when my dear mother-in-law cleared the dishwasher almost every single day of my in-laws' visit, and how much I appreciated that. 

Although it might seem silly to gush about an unloaded dishwasher, I think the bigger lesson is how the helping hands of our loved ones can lighten our workload and lift our spirits. And that is indeed a wonderful thing to be grateful for 💗

Caption: The joys of an empty dishwasher in the morning- Yay! 😀

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I am developing. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

Stories of love

After returning from my parents' house following the Christmas holiday, we soon suspected that we had left one of our daughter's favorite bedtime stories, 'The Poky Little Puppy's Wonderful Winter Day' behind. Fortunately she wasn't too upset about it (something else to be grateful for!), but I still gave my mom a call to see what happened to it. A woman on a mission, she soon found it, and before I knew it, an envelope arrived in our mailbox. It contained not only the book in question, but a kind note from 'Oma' and some fun stickers.

Although this alone was a wonderful and kind surprise, there's more to it. This book is special to me not only because my daughter loves it, but because it was also one of my favorite books. I loved how the Poky Little Puppy had so much fun in the snow, how his snow angel looked like 'a fat little sausage', and how he was too tired to finish his strawberry shortcake after all his adventures. I still love these things, and it seems my daughter does too. But most of all I love how my mother's voice rings in my ears as I read the last line of the story, "Mother tucked them all in . . . one, two, three, four, five little puppies, all happily dreaming of their wonderful winter day." 

The same is true for the oh-so-many stories my mother read to me at countless bedtimes, over and over again. Of all of the moments of my childhood, I count those as some of the most precious, as they all meld together as one beautiful expression of kindness and love. Now time has passed and I am the one reading 'The Poky Little Puppy' (and many others) to my own daughter, and so it is for these memories I am so very grateful.  

Caption: Don't worry Mama, it didn't get lost in the mail!😊

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am currently developing. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

Our 'first' date

While at my parents' house for the Christmas holiday, my husband and I did something totally outrageous . . . we had our first date since BEFORE our daughter was born over two years ago! I know, way overdue, but ours is the same story as so many other couples with small children; there aren't many people around us who we feel comfortable asking to watch our daughter, so the opportunity for a 'date night' is pretty slim. 

Although our toddler usually sleeps through the night, she goes to bed a bit later than other children her age, making an actual date 'night' more difficult. So, I decided to get a little creative. I asked myself, why does it have to be a date 'night'? Why couldn't we go do something during the day, like lunch and a nice walk together? So I asked my mom and my sister if they wouldn't mind humoring us and watching our little Lotus Blossom while we went for lunch at a favorite local restaurant. To my utmost relief, they said yes, and assured me that everything would go without a hitch. 

With our daughter in the care of our own family experts, my husband and I had a wonderful, peaceful lunch, complete with Prosecco and a delicious crème brûlée. What's more, we were served by our favorite waitress in the world, who happens to be my niece 😀. Between our non-kid related conversations (my husband knew instinctively!), we were able to enjoy chatting and joking with her throughout the meal. Needless to say, the service was impeccable, and we had a nice, leisurely meal that I know I will remember for a long time.    

I did not ask my husband directly whether he had been looking forward to our date, but I know that I certainly was. When I say that our daughter is usually very sweet, fun, and well-behaved, I mean it. But even parents who are generally proud of their child's behavior need not only a break, but a chance to reconnect as couple. So, it is for this experience and everyone who made it possible, I am truly grateful.  

Image: Romance in the air! :)

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

What 'sucks' right now

After a full year of 'counting my blessings' and slowly working towards developing a viable gratitude practice, I pause. When it comes to how I approach obstacles and daily life in general, I compare the attitude I have now to over a year ago and am truly amazed. Despite being so tired, frustrated, discouraged, and completely unsure of what to do about it, that initial intuition to turn towards gratitude in the face of adversity has changed my life.    

But I think it is also important to discuss how it hasn't. As I have mentioned before, practicing gratitude cannot directly obliterate one's problems, and it sure as hell doesn't make the feelings about those problems go away. To illustrate that my life is in fact not perfect, I thought I would go out on a limb and quickly list what is not so great right now. 

Here are some things I struggle with on a daily basis:
My body image. I long to feel comfortable in my own skin (or even my own clothes!), and more like the woman I used to be.
After losing almost all the 'baby weight' I fell off the wagon and gained back more than ten pounds. Getting back to my former shape has been so incredibly hard, and I am so angry at myself for relapsing.
Wishing we could live in a spacious house with a yard, instead of a small apartment in (what I call) 'suburban hell'.
Feeling overwhelmed by clearing, organizing, or otherwise trying to manage clutter.
After almost a year and a half of applications and interviews, I am still unemployed.
Fearing that I will never teach again.
The fact that my dissertation work remains unpublished hangs over my head as a personal failure.
After having a child, saving money has basically come to a standstill.
After caring for a toddler all day, I have very little patience left, either for my husband or myself.
I don't see most of my friends anymore, and feel very isolated.
When I actually do spend time with others, I feel as though no one cares about how I am doing or what I have to say.
I hate that there is so much traffic where we live.
I wish I had more time to myself, and more time with my husband for us to reconnect as a couple.
I wish I could get more sleep (or, more correctly, that my daughter would sleep better!).
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So there it is, 'what sucks right now', for better or for worse. But the point is not for me to wallow in it, or for you to feel sorry for me. In fact, I would actually really hate it if you did that, because I know that you have your own problems to deal with! 

When I read through the list of problems, I notice that most of them have not changed much. So it makes sense to ask, if the problems are still there, then what is the point of practicing gratitude? Well, first of all, using gratitude as a 'magic eraser' was never my motivation to begin with. When first embracing gratitude, I knew that I needed another way to view my own life, because the lens of resentment and pessimism certainly wasn't working. I also realized that I was letting my negative feelings and emotions obscure some of the best things in life, and wanted to change that. 

Fast forward to now, gratitude has clearly brought about that change in my life, even if it is a slow, day by day process. Whenever I take a moment to acknowledge all that is good in this life, the importance of any problem automatically fades. I also realize that they do not define me. Practicing gratitude has helped me take a big step back from my personal problems and view them more logically, even critically, and with less drama. This in turn has led to obstacles seeming much less formidable (note, I didn't say 'easier') to confront, and ultimately overcome. Most importantly though, gratitude has allowed me to let go and just celebrate the wonderful things, experiences, and people in my life, which was one of my major motivations to begin this journey.  

So, in closing, I just want to emphasize that it's okay to have problems, frustrations, and negative emotions. It is simply part of being human. But giving them free reign to take over your life, to slowly rob you of your happiness does not have to be. Practicing gratitude can help us shift our focus away from ruminating about everything we dislike or cannot control, and towards truly illuminating and rejoicing in all that we love. This has been my experience, and what I would also hope for anyone practicing or just embarking upon inviting gratitude in their own life. 

Image: Illuminating gratitude. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!    

Just scratching the surface

As I arrive at the one-year anniversary of when I started this gratitude practice, I am aware that it is still clearly in its early stages. Despite my efforts, I have yet to develop a consistent gratitude ritual/meditation that serves as a reminder when I am not writing here at BCB. Over the past year, I have not carried out some of the 'acts of gratitude' for people who have stood out in their love and support for me and everything I hold dear in life. Finally, there are still so many people whom I wish to thank, but I have not yet written the posts acknowledging their kindnesses.

But nevertheless, things have progressed. A year ago my mind and attitude were in such a stark place; sinking ever downwards. I knew that I was not where I wanted to be, but hadn't quite devised a plan that could successfully ease my own suffering; let alone confer benefits beyond myself.

Enter gratitude. At the time I thought that with all the mental baggage I was sorting through, finding things to be grateful for and expressing that gratitude in a genuine way would be so difficult. Only it wasn't. Instead, I soon felt gratitude flow into my heart as I was going about my daily tasks and interactions with the people I love. The time was right and I was ready for all gratitude had to offer.

Although gratitude does not automatically erase all mistakes and bad feelings, it quickly became a refuge that shielded me from the fallout caused by negative emotions and events. Rather than being a place of denial and aversion, gratitude steered me towards a place of truth where I acknowledged the ups and downs of reality, but also rejoiced in what was good.

So here I am, a little over a year later, and, in terms of expressing gratitude, I have but only scratched the surface. But when I really step back to think about it, did I ever really believe that I would be 'done' with this practice, that I could actually say 'that's enough'? I don't think so.

But I do think that now it is clear that I must continue onwards, expanding and deepening this sacred practice that I am so grateful for, in and of itself.

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

Loving the LUSH

Okay, so that title may be a little clickbait-y, but I couldn't resist! One thing I have been wanting to write about for a while now is my journey into reducing the packaging used and garbage generated by me as a consumer. And yes, I certainly do have a lot to learn about living waste/package free, so this post is certainly not to sing my own praises. I know that there is a lot of room for improvement, but still, it can't hurt to embrace the 'beginner mind'. 😊

One of the things that has both bothered and intrigued me is the business of recycling. Certainly a complex process, I recently learned that huge lots of waste destined for recycling often sits a long time before someone purchases and actually recycles it. Also, sadly, many of the things we place in the recycling bin never even make it to those vast lots, rather, they just end up in the landfill with everything else. But despite the challenges, there is room for hope; and some alternate strategies. One of these is simply to consume less, or, for necessary items, opt for products that include little to no packaging. 

Enter LUSH, a company that specializes not only in fair trade, cruelty-free skincare and toiletries, but also package free/recyclable products. After reading and hearing about this company for some time, I decided to check them out at my local mall. 

In short, it was a great experience. Specifically, I really appreciated the:

• Personal attention I received from the sales associate. 
• Fact that my questions were answered with minimal BS. 
• Many choices of quality products (which I did not expect)
• Opportunities to contribute to charities through purchases. 

After I said I wanted to try the solid (package-free) shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant, the sales associate (who was absolutely lovely, btw) cut off a reasonably-sized piece from a bar of each. When I asked if the price for the sample was by weight, she kindly told me that they were all mine, free of charge! I am certain that anyone who has dealt with this company before already knows this, but I did not. I just wanted to say how impressed I was with their generosity- and confidence that people will benefit from and therefore buy their products in the future!

Although I do not usually include commercial products in my gratitude posts, I really would like to express my gratitude for LUSH's efforts to make a positive impact on our world. Oh, and as I am sure you want to know- I really love everything I have tried so far! Disclaimer: I did not receive any compensation for writing this post, either through product discounts or monetary rewards. I really do love this stuff- and will definitely purchase more!  

LUSH: Packaging (if used/needed) can be beautiful AND completely recyclable.

LUSH: My first three choices, in sample form.

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

An opportunity

Right before Thanksgiving, I was called for an onsite job interview for a faculty teaching position. Although extremely excited about the opportunity, I must admit to feeling some anxiety. In addition to the typical job interview jitters, I was going to be away from my daughter for more than 12 hours for the first time since she was born. I was a little nervous for my husband, who would be taking off work to care for her the whole time I was gone. I was also scheduled to give two formal talks in two days, and had a packed schedule that included meetings with college faculty and administrators just about every half hour.

Was it stressful? Most definitely. But, once I arrived and it was clear that my daughter and husband were a-okay, it was a really good type of stress. I was in my element, and had the tremendous opportunity to speak with some really great educators from a variety of academic fields.

The students seemed engaged by my teaching talk, and I later had a great conversation with a few of them as I hustled from one meeting to another. Although the onset of the frigid winter season was upon us, I also enjoyed the historic campus tour, accentuated with statues of great Americans like George Washington and Frederick Douglass.

Overall, I do think the interview went well, and I felt especially comfortable and 'at home' with other educators at the college; also the local people I met during my stay. However, the position I applied for is competitive, and so I am fully aware that despite being a top candidate, I may not have been the top candidate. But whether we are faced with disappointment or success, my wise mother always said that things way of working out for the best. I will do my best to follow her intuition and advice. 😊

So, here's to a rare, unique, and amazing learning opportunity that I will remember for the rest of my life, and of course, am very grateful for.  

Caption: View of one of the campus buildings where I interviewed. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

The end of the milky way

A while ago my daughter and I reached the conclusion of our breastfeeding journey. Although I am content with the reality that this represents the natural progression of her growth and development, letting go was certainly bittersweet. Looking back, I am happy to now have a little more freedom in my daily routine, yet miss the quiet moments of closeness as I put her to bed each night.  

Of course, I will be the first to admit that this journey did not start out all unicorns and rainbows. As someone who has earned a Ph.D. and also tackled some other major challenges, I would have never imagined that learning to successfully breastfeed a newborn was one of the most difficult things I had ever done. Even with no issues with tongue ties, illness, or milk supply, the beginning was excruciating, simply because my body was in so. much. pain.  

After bringing our daughter home, I sat in the glider chair with her cradled in my arms, crying tears of physical and emotional exhaustion. With the knowledge that my poor husband had in the middle of the night ventured out to the only 24 hour pharmacy for emergency infant formula, the fear and shame of failure hung heavy around me. 

In that moment, little Lotus Blossom started at my sobs, looking intently for the source of the sound. Our eyes met. She looked at me so deeply that I could not believe she was just barely three days old. It was then I knew we could do this. With renewed determination, I found a way to temporarily work through the pain and make us both as comfortable as possible. Most importantly, I also silently resolved to get help. Given the state in which he had left us, my husband came home and was surprised- and probably very relieved- to see things had improved a little.

From that time forward, there were still many, many difficult moments and days. At eight weeks I was ready to quit, especially with the knowledge that breastfeeding was recommended for baby's first year- it just seemed so impossibly far away. But it did get better, and with time, patience, and help from a great lactation consultant, breastfeeding became easier, and yes, even peaceful and fulfilling.

After we put our very sleepy and well-fed little Lotus Blossom to bed without her bedtime milk feeding, my husband and I were nervous. Ready for any sounds of protest coming from upstairs, we sat at the kitchen table together. I told him how grateful I was for his constant support and confidence. I was also so very grateful not only that I persisted, but also for our daughter's resilience and ability to adjust. It was my job to observe her to see what she needed and gently guide her there, but only she could take the next step, and she did so with flying colors.

We are now on the other side of that 'milky way' and, although it was difficult at times, I know that this journey has changed me for the better. I also know that the way we did things was not the only way there is, but I am grateful for our personal journey and the support we received along the way.

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

Green tea wisdom

Tea. Coffee. Cocoa. I love hot, caffeinated beverages. Each holds its own set of sensory delights, but there is something special about a hot cup of jasmine green tea. Fragrant and refreshing, this particular tea is one of those things that just makes me feel good.

However, I used to not like it at all. Well, I loved the robust jasmine scent as I opened the package, but found the tea itself bitter. Still, eager to jump on the 'green tea is loaded with healthy phytochemicals and helps you lose weight' bandwagon, I gave it another go, and ended up with a tummy ache from the bitter brew I concocted.

Come to find out, I was doing it all wrong. I didn't know that green tea should only be infused for 1-2 minutes, and that any longer would produce a harsh, acrid brew. I also didn't know that drinking green tea on an empty stomach could cause a belly ache for some people- and that I was one of those people!

But other than admitting that I was once a total green tea 'noob,' the purpose of this post goes deeper than these little lessons in hot beverages. In my 'adventures' with green tea, I was reminded that something can seem beneficial, but only if you have acquired the wisdom to use it properly. If you don't, then it can become harmful- or at the very least uncomfortable. And as I sip my hot jasmine tea on this rainy autumn day, I am grateful for its warmth, and for the valuable reminder it has provided.  

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy! 

Body shaming shame

Years ago I had a problem with body weight. Rooted in my own body consciousness, this 'weight problem' extended well beyond my individual self. 

If you strictly follow BMI, I have been overweight several times in my life, including my current struggle to lose excess pregnancy weight. During each episode of extra poundage, some people said unkind and hurtful things. Others pointed out my weight gain in what I believe was a genuine concern for my wellbeing, but that also stung a little. As emotional as each of those experiences were, I did learn from them, and was eventually able to strengthen my body to a healthier state. However, each weight loss journey definitely took time, since I did it on my own terms.

But before you think I am writing this to pat myself on the back, let me emphasize that is not the case. In addition to being down on myself, I was also mentally very critical of others who were overweight. Although critical of both men and women, I was especially hard on women I didn't know and had never interacted with. I remember thinking things like, "My god, how could she let herself get so heavy?" or "What is wrong with him/her?" or the ever self-righteous, "I would never let myself get like that!"

My criticism may have been silent, but it was still unacceptable. Just as the unkind words directed at me hurt, I realized that although I was not putting my thoughts into action, those thoughts were harmful. They felt ugly, wrong, and yes, shameful, and I wanted them out of my head.

In one previous effort to lose weight, I encountered many personal stories about weight loss. To my surprise and dismay, I found that some people's struggles with weight were tied to direct experiences with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse or trauma. Whereas some turn to alcohol or drugs, others turn to food for comfort and escape. Encountering this information, the clouds of ignorance began to clear. I became more aware as a person, and realized that weight loss is for some people not just about moving more and counting calories, but also overcoming some formidable emotional obstacles. 

I decided it was necessary for me to change my behavior when I encounter someone who is very overweight. I started being very conscious of my reaction to the person, and reminding myself of the many similarities between myself and the person I behold in that we both have our own experiences, hopes, dreams, and most importantly, desire to be happy and to feel loved. 

Yes, I know, it is truly sad that I even had to go through this process in order to change my attitude and subsequent thought processes. But another thing I also know is that my own struggle stems directly from my own insecurities. Not an excuse, but a reason- I take full responsibility for my previous thoughts- and I hope that the fallout from my prior experiences will no longer obscure what should be a clearer, less superficial view of other human beings.  

In closing this post, I would like to emphasize that in no way do I mean to provide a crutch against making positive changes towards one's own health, including my own. Being very overweight or obese is extremely detrimental to personal wellbeing, and there are very few exceptions. However, this fact is already well known and it does not mean that we treat someone struggling with excess weight with scorn and aversion, but rather with openness and compassion.
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May all beings be happy!

Room for living

Lately I have been doing a lot of de-cluttering, and finally finished clearing and re-organizing the downstairs closet where we keep our coats, boots, socks, and boxes of books and small decor items that, until we are in a more permanent home, will remain unpacked. 

Since clutter is something that tends to bother me, I have been working hard to find ways to counter it. But whether it is organizing existing items or drastically reducing, it is not always easy. Over the years I have found that displaying only the objects I love and find beautiful and/or useful has become increasingly important. This of course results in any excess feeling gradually more burdensome and undesirable. 

However, even with my ongoing battles towards downsizing my possessions, today I enjoyed a nice moment where, sitting in my living room with its comfortable, newly slipcovered couch, diverse textiles and patterns, and windowsill adorned with plants, I found it a pleasing mix of old and new, beautiful and utilitarian. 

This was actually kind of a breakthrough for me, because, as someone who feels compelled to constantly 'improve' her surroundings, the awareness that there are too many things around usually ends up making me a little uneasy. 

This 'decorating dukkha' aside, I really feel as if I am making progress towards fashioning a home that is more than a roof over our heads (and our stuff!), but rather a place that reflects who we are as a family. I feel that my approach to designing our space has now graduated from thinking about things like 'the living room' to creating 'room for living'. It is this slow transition- and the contentment that accompanies it- for which I am grateful.

This basket is of my favorite items on display in our living room. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!