The pitfalls of "perfection"

As I sit to write each BCB post, I know that the flow of words from my mind and into the keyboard are heavily influenced by something that nags me in other areas of my life. What is it, you ask? 

Perfection.

Or, because I am aware that perfection does not actually exist, the pursuit of. Although I said at the beginning of this gratitude practice that I wouldn't get hung up writing the 'perfect post' for important people and events in my life, I admit, I totally have. 

And really, I should not be the least bit surprised. This is because despite my relatively newfound ability to let a lot of things go, I still put ample pressure on myself to be/do/have the best. I acknowledge that this form of pressure is a double-edged sword; in some instances it has propelled me towards perseverance and success, in others it has paralyzed me with doubt and fear of failure. 

In terms of my writing, for most of my life people have told me that I have a knack for it. That is, until the end of graduate school. After a harrowing experience trying to write, finish, and submit my dissertation, the words of one of my committee members rings in my ears while composing anything science-related. She said, "Scientific writing is precise writing. You need to learn how to be more precise with your words."

Although I don't quite think my scientific writing resembled random prose drafted in a drunken fog, the advice was appropriate- and she was right about the importance of precision. It has been of great help professionally, as I communicated with students and authored laboratory exercises and manuals. Consequently, I believe that advice has also filtered into my BCB posts, especially those focused on gratitude. 

I attribute that need for precision to the personal desire of conveying my gratitude for loved ones and the many things they have done to bring so much joy to my life. But in my efforts I do feel a little bit at a loss. Writing meaningful posts that accurately portray the merits of a person dear to me are taken so seriously that sometimes I get stuck. Yes, the feelings are there and the thoughts flow naturally, but it takes many tweaks and coming back to the post again and again before I finally hit 'publish'. Although it is good to take pride in my own writing, sometimes it's just like, 'Why can't I just communicate without second-guessing myself?!' 

I know in my heart it is because I want to honor the people I care about, and it is not my nature to just crank out posts as part of some spiritual to-do list. That is not what this is about. But in the midst of my quest to infuse truth, clarity, emotion, and brevity in my writing, I do sometimes get impatient with myself. I often feel that the drive of writing the 'perfect post' is holding me back, that I need to find a kind of writing 'Middle Way'. I don't have an answer, but perhaps you do. And you know that any good advice is something I would definitely be grateful for. 😊

Caption: Beauty has its flaws, as flaws themselves can accentuate beauty.

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This post is part of the gratitude practice I am working on. Curious? You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!

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May all beings be happy!