My Grandmother

I know that, during the course of these gratitude posts, I have mentioned my maternal grandmother and the great impact she had on my life. April 21st marks the date of her birth, and today she would have been 107. Amazingly, she was still with us six years ago. Although her health took a steep decline in her last year of life, we all had the joyous privilege of celebrating her 100th birthday with her. 

As with many of these posts there is no way I can truly express all the love, the smiles, the memories, and yes, the gratitude I feel towards Grandma in just a couple of paragraphs. But I would like to just say a few words to honor the woman she was. 

Before sharing my 'list' of thank you's for the precious memories and moments, I would also like to remark how in some ways Grandma was a woman ahead of her time. Her enthusiasm for meeting and embracing people from different cultures resulted in many heartwarming stories, and ultimately a family and network of friends spanning the globe. I see this influence in my own family as I rustle around, sari-clad for an Indian festival, and as I look into my daughter's dark, laughing eyes (oh, how Grandma would have loved her! ).  

Thank you Grandma, for . . .
tasking me with planting all those impatiens around the front of your house. It showed me how a day of hard work can yield beauty for a whole season.
laughing at my silly jokes and numerous voice impressions.
a pantry full of fruit roll-ups and other goodies for hungry kids on our way home from school.
talking to me for hours.
not holding too much of a grudge after 3-year-old me pulled your hair while traveling around Europe in a VW bus.
yanking that plastic bag off my (also 3-year-old) head, even though I cried.
playing 'Mr. Rogers' with me, where we would arduously climb to the top of your stairs and just sit and talk about Mr. Rogers, the king, the tiger, and especially the trolley. (I realize now that you probably had other things to do! 😀)
telling me about your family; all those stories, whether happy, sad, strange, or funny.
sending me letters, even when I was in graduate school, when I know writing must have been difficult.
your delicious pies and baked beans.
that beautiful pewter pin you gave me with the butterflies on it.
teaching me that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be interested and engaged in political knowledge and current affairs.
your love of foxes.
Saturday morning breakfast, enough said.
your beautiful gardens.
your devotion and love for family. 
all those beautiful cards you sent, for almost every occasion I can think of.
coming to my wedding. My dear brother and his lovely wife are the people who made that possible, and despite your difficulties, you made it there. I will never forget the whole family surrounding you as we danced to 'Chaiya, Chaiya' - and you smiling 😊🙏 🙌
for making a point of telling me about your joy at my imminent arrival into this world; that story warms my heart and has always made me feel so very loved.

Happy Birthday, Grandma- I love you and think of you often as I feel your presence in my life.

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This post is part of the Gratitude Practice and post series I began in 2018.

May all beings be happy!

Body shaming shame

Years ago I had a problem with body weight. Rooted in my own body consciousness, this 'weight problem' extended well beyond my individual self. 

If you strictly follow BMI, I have been overweight several times in my life, including my current struggle to lose excess pregnancy weight. During each episode of extra poundage, some people said unkind and hurtful things. Others pointed out my weight gain in what I believe was a genuine concern for my wellbeing, but that also stung a little. As emotional as each of those experiences were, I did learn from them, and was eventually able to strengthen my body to a healthier state. However, each weight loss journey definitely took time, since I did it on my own terms.

But before you think I am writing this to pat myself on the back, let me emphasize that is not the case. In addition to being down on myself, I was also mentally very critical of others who were overweight. Although critical of both men and women, I was especially hard on women I didn't know and had never interacted with. I remember thinking things like, "My god, how could she let herself get so heavy?" or "What is wrong with him/her?" or the ever self-righteous, "I would never let myself get like that!"

My criticism may have been silent, but it was still unacceptable. Just as the unkind words directed at me hurt, I realized that although I was not putting my thoughts into action, those thoughts were harmful. They felt ugly, wrong, and yes, shameful, and I wanted them out of my head.

In one previous effort to lose weight, I encountered many personal stories about weight loss. To my surprise and dismay, I found that some people's struggles with weight were tied to direct experiences with physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse or trauma. Whereas some turn to alcohol or drugs, others turn to food for comfort and escape. Encountering this information, the clouds of ignorance began to clear. I became more aware as a person, and realized that weight loss is for some people not just about moving more and counting calories, but also overcoming some formidable emotional obstacles. 

I decided it was necessary for me to change my behavior when I encounter someone who is very overweight. I started being very conscious of my reaction to the person, and reminding myself of the many similarities between myself and the person I behold in that we both have our own experiences, hopes, dreams, and most importantly, desire to be happy and to feel loved. 

Yes, I know, it is truly sad that I even had to go through this process in order to change my attitude and subsequent thought processes. But another thing I also know is that my own struggle stems directly from my own insecurities. Not an excuse, but a reason- I take full responsibility for my previous thoughts- and I hope that the fallout from my prior experiences will no longer obscure what should be a clearer, less superficial view of other human beings.  

In closing this post, I would like to emphasize that in no way do I mean to provide a crutch against making positive changes towards one's own health, including my own. Being very overweight or obese is extremely detrimental to personal wellbeing, and there are very few exceptions. However, this fact is already well known and it does not mean that we treat someone struggling with excess weight with scorn and aversion, but rather with openness and compassion.
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May all beings be happy!

The most valuable thing Buddhism has taught me

On journey along the Buddhist path I have encountered valuable concepts such as impermanence and cultivating wisdom and compassion. However, I must say that of all of these lessons, the Buddhist idea of the Middle Way has had the strongest impact on my life. 

I have always had an intense personality. While I consider myself passionate and loyal, the flip side is that I am also quick to anger. Whenever challenged, my passion has kept me going, but at times has also left me just plain exhausted.

Enter my discovery of Buddhism. In the many books I read, I was repeatedly introduced to the idea walking the Middle Way. To illustrate and explain this simple yet important concept, several authors focusing on basic Buddhist concepts referred to versions a story known as the Parable of the Lute.

To summarize one version of the story, Siddhartha Gautama (who later became the Buddha) heard a fisherman teaching a young boy the proper way to tune a lute, a kind of stringed instrument. The fisherman said, "Listen, when the strings of the lute are too loose, the lute does not produce any sound, but when you tune it too tight, the strings snap. Only when the strings are tuned just right the lute can make music."

Siddhartha, who had at that point spent several years depriving his body in his quest for enlightenment, had a revelation; One can achieve true wisdom neither by a life of merriment nor mortification, but only by a life lived in moderation- The Middle Way. This realization had very important implications for Siddhartha; his change in course would eventually lead him to enlightenment and devise the foundations of Buddhism- the Four Noble Truths and Noble Eightfold Path.    

Over 2,600 years later, here I am, learning about the Dharma and its Middle Way. Although advocating moderation in one's life is certainly not exclusively 'Buddhist' (my great-grandfather had his own saying on the topic!), Buddhism has helped me embrace moderation and let go of 'spiritual' tactics that employ deprivation or self-punishment.    

Buddhism has taught me that things can be different, and for that I am grateful.

What Buddhist concept/s had the most impact on your life? Feel free to share in the comments!

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May all beings be happy!

Happy 10th Anniversary Buddhism!

Ten years ago this month, I stumbled upon this way of life called Buddhism. So much has happened since then, so many milestones and events (a graduate degree, our wedding and marriage, a new job, pregnancy and giving birth, motherhood)- yet I so clearly remember how I felt. 

After seeing others around me experience difficulty and tragedy, I recall feeling like I was floundering, searching for meaning and comfort in an uncertain world. I went to church/spiritual services and read books about how to be more productive, organized, etc. But everything I encountered seemed so hollow. 

One day while browsing on Amazon, I found a book called 'Open Heart, Clear Mind' by Thubten Chodron. The Buddhist element, though intriguing, was not what drew me to ordering the book, but rather the gentle, uplifting, and universal approach described by reviewers towards leading a fulfilling spiritual life. 

After receiving the book, I took a stroll downtown and started reading on a park bench. Time flew by, and I realized that it was already late afternoon. Following a late lunch I continued to read, and finished the entire book late that evening. 

Why was I so captivated? What was different about this book? Line after line, chapter after chapter, I found that most of what I read was what I had believed my entire life. These were things I had never encountered before and that no one had ever told me, but rather things I knew in both my heart and mind to be true. There were also sections of the book that discussed ideas that were not so familiar (e.g. reincarnation) but they were presented in such a way that satisfied both my spiritual and intellectual curiosity and sense of logic.

After this initial introduction, I devoured many, many books about meditation, mindfulness, loving kindness, and other topics central to Buddhism for at least four more years. I went to meditation groups, Buddhist talks and retreats, and even became the president of the Buddhist organization at my university. But though I was incredibly engaged intellectually, spiritually, and socially in Buddhist philosophy and community (the Dharma and the Sangha!), none of it felt forced or like I had something to prove. 

On the contrary, all of it felt completely natural, fueled by the fresh curiosity and joy for learning of the 'beginner mind'. It was both exhilarating and humbling to learn ancient concepts that could guide anyone (whatever religion or creed) towards true and meaningful happiness- all the while having trust and reverence for one's own intellect. My personal discovery of Buddhism made me who I am today, and is something I will remember with fondness for the rest of my life. I attribute this exciting but nonjudgemental approach to learning about Buddhism to reading books like Open Heart, Clear Mind, which really set the tone for my discovery. 

So, you might be wondering, how has following the Buddhist path had an impact on my life? What has remained the same? What, if anything, has changed? What do I still struggle with? 

I certainly wouldn't blame you for asking these questions- so here is a quick run-down! 

Personal impact of Buddhism:

Patience. I am a more patient person now, mostly because I realize that most things are not worth getting upset about (though how much patience I have is relative- see below!). I always think about the quote from the Dalai Lama, "If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying".

I don't need stuff to be happy. After finally having my own income, I used to love shopping and accumulating lots of clothes, shoes, and decorative items. Though this did not put me in financial debt (yay for Goodwill and thrift stores!), I now cherish the beauty of less and the zen of empty space! Also, I have learned that accumulating more stuff will not eliminate the sense of loss from any unfortunate or difficult events in one's life. I realized this through learning about the concept of non-grasping, and through the experience of dealing with too much stuff for too long! 

My opinion is not the only one. I used to argue for hours with others about politics, religion, and feminism (all the things to not discuss in polite company, ha!), so adamant that my opinion was the (only) right one. Though in some cases I still can't help but feel 'I am right', I now have so much more respect for others' life experiences, and how they have led them to their own point of view. However imperfect my practice may be, I specifically attribute this to the empathy generated by loving-kindness. 

What has remained the same?

Becoming angry never helps. Though I have (relatively) more patience now, I admit that frustration still frequently gets the best of me. I find this has been the case especially since having a child- I get so impatient in stores and while driving because I am afraid my daughter will need me before I get home. 

Okay, so on one hand, yes, that makes me human, but on the other hand I know that anger and frustration usually only make things worse. I can only hope that each occurrence is a lesson that slowly chips away at anger and builds the capacity for patience.    

Thoughts lead to actions. The mind is such a powerful thing, and the thoughts it holds have the power to make or break one's well-being and character. As a result, I do my best to be vigilant of my thoughts and steer away from those that could be destructive to myself and my relationships. 

What has changed?

My approach to mindfulness. A few weeks after the arrival of our daughter, I began to feel incredibly anxious, especially while my husband was at work. My confidence as a new mom was so low- Anticipating and analyzing every cry and whimper, I lived with the fear that I was doing everything wrong. The mindfulness strategies I had used in the past to cope with stressful situations simply did not work, and I was a nervous wreck. For example, I could no longer breathe and accept the present moment for what it was ~ anxiety, stress, and all ~ because I simply felt too vulnerable and fragile to have that kind of focus or capacity for surrender. 

One day while rocking my daughter asleep in my arms, I had an epiphany, "Her crying is not a reflection of you as a mother. She is a baby, and she cries when she needs you, not because of something you did wrong." After that things were better, and I slowly started to calm down. This was also a turning point for my mindfulness practice ~ rather than thinking it had to be done a certain way, my implementation of mindfulness became more relaxed, and also more inclusive as I opened up and involved my daughter. Whether she is smiling, feeding, moving around, or crying because she bumped her head (because of moving around!), these are all opportunities to be mindful. Though it sometimes makes me laugh in the midst of her loud shrieking sessions~ present moment, wonderful moment, indeed! 😇 For more about how my mindfulness practice (and view of mindfulness) has adjusted as a parent, please read this post.

Don't read it, live it! In the beginning almost everything I read was somehow linked to Buddhist philosophy, though this is no longer the case. I still enjoy it, but I think this is a natural progression from reading about Buddhist concepts to working towards actually implementing them. I have accepted that I am a human being currently focusing on struggling with that implementation, and I am comfortable with it. 

What do I struggle with?

Meditation (believe it or not!). Though I do my best to adhere to Buddhist principles, in truth I am a terrible meditator. Terrible in the sense that I have never been able to build a habit of sitting more than ten minutes. Though I know it is not about how much time, my attempts to cultivate a (sitting) meditation practice have always felt uncomfortable and forced. However, I have found that walking in nature has consistently led to the feeling of well-being and mental insight that everyone who consistently meditates seems to mention. I still cannot determine whether my failure to engage in traditional meditation is due to laziness, ignorance, or both, but my gravitation towards 'meditating' in nature gives me hope for developing a practice that is all my own~ and more importantly effective in cultivating mindfulness, wisdom, and compassion. 

Balancing patience with assertiveness. Becoming more patient has been big on my list (can you tell?!) but sometimes I have found that in the process of letting go I end up not caring about the end result. This is of course not a problem unless that end result has important and lasting consequences. Indeed, I have learned that patience is not equivalent to complacency. In an effort to counter this tendency I try my best to follow the Middle Way.

Self- and situational acceptance. In a word, gratitude. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for many, many things in my life, but I really do sometimes need an attitude adjustment and just be grateful, no excuses. Self-acceptance has also now become even more crucial not only in regards to spiritual growth, but to serve as a positive role model for my daughter as she grows up in a world where body image is distorted by the thousands of 'shopped photos that greet us almost everywhere we look.

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That is all I can think of right now, but that is my story today. As I put my thoughts together, I have a renewed sense of thankfulness for everything and everyone in my life. I release whatever pain, fear, and bitterness there was in the past (and celebrate the good!), receive the present moment with joy, and look towards the future with hope.  

Have you reached a milestone on your spiritual journey? How have things changed or remained the same for you? Please share in the comments below.

*****

May all beings be happy!

It's (still) always there

 . . . or should I say here? Though I may not always write, post, tweet, or talk about it, the Buddhist approach of mindfulness and the middle way is still with me. It affects my level of gratitude, how I view difficulties/obstacles, shapes my relationships, even affects the way I teach and interact with students. During the holidays we often reflect upon what we are grateful for, and, in addition to the cherished people in my life, the turn of events and struggles that led me to the Dharma is still one of them.

What are you grateful for this holiday season?

*****
May all beings be happy! 

Letting go of dread, letting go of suffering

After several stressful weeks at work, this weekend I was finally able to kick back and relax for a bit- at least in theory. However, instead of thoroughly enjoying my time, I was (like millions of other people) bothered by a nagging sense of dread about going back to work on Monday. Of course, this put a little bit of a damper on my enjoyment of this much-anticipated down time. 

Last night it finally clicked: There I was, relaxing and spending time with my husband when the dread came over me again. Instead of giving in, I stopped for a moment and thought about the feeling. Sure, I had experienced a stressful few weeks, where weekends were just days crammed with more work. I acknowledged that it may actually take some time to 'come down' from the frantic pace and the pressure I had been under. 

But most of all, I realized what was happening was the flip side of what I usually do, the behavior I am aware of; and that is avoiding unpleasantness. From a Buddhist perspective, this can be called aversion. When viewed in the context of the Second Noble Truth, that suffering is caused by tanha, or selfish craving, it is clear that aversion is just a way that we express tanha by avoiding how things really are because of our own self-centered view of how they should be. Thus, we suffer.  

However, this time my dread was not motivated by aversion, but rather attachment, which is really another facet of tanha. When we experience something pleasurable, we hold on to it in our mind, grasping at the pleasure and fun because we never want it to end. But we know it will, and as we are reminded of this fact, we suffer. 

It is not that I have never done this, or that I no longer am prone to attachment (far from it!), but that in many ways I (thought I) had become better at enjoying myself in the moment because I had also become more accepting of the impermanent nature of all things, especially the good ones. Yet there I was this weekend, suffering as I grasped at joyous moments- and suffering in the moments between! 

My conclusion? I can only guess that this attitude is a product of stress, and that I need to find a way to deal with it. Moreover, I also suspect that my heightened feelings of attachment are directly (perhaps even proportionally) related to the strong aversion I felt towards that stress, indicating that as far as tanha goes, attachment and aversion seem inseparably - and profoundly- linked.  

What can you say about your experience with aversion and attachment? Do you agree they are linked in the way I described? Any advice? 

*****

May all beings be happy! 

Minimalism = Wastefullness?

As you may know, over the past year or so I have been challenging myself to live more simply. Not wanting to be limited by labels, I have rejected the term minimalism, and instead chosen Living Simply, because it has broad connotations that anyone can customize and apply to their own life. 

To be completely honest though, I must say that I do admire the accomplishments of minimalist 'celebrities' such as Francine Jay of Miss Minimalist, and Leo Babauta of Zenhabits. From what I have read about them, they seem to advocate minimalism in a compassionate and non-judgmental way that is accessible to all. 

However, I have noticed a disturbing trend among others who call themselves minimalists. While many provide helpful tips about decluttering and paring down, I am a little put off by a term that seems to be constantly on the tip of their tongues: 

Toss it out. 

So, you have a piece of furniture that you no longer want? Toss it out. Clothes you no longer find desirable? Toss them out.  Food in your pantry that you no longer wish to eat? Toss it out.  

Giving these individuals the benefit of the doubt, perhaps the alternatives to 'tossing it out', such as donating, selling, or recycling are understood. But, given the frequency with which I read this phrase, sometimes I wonder.

If someone out there is literally swimming in clutter, I understand the impulse to just 'get rid of it!'. Cluttered homes, workplaces and schedules can certainly take a toll on mental well-being. However, I just hope that decluttering in most cases can be done with a sense of mindfulness and willingness to benefit others- despite the urge to just chuck everything into a landfill!

What do you think?

*****
May all beings be happy!  

The Parable of the Lute

One of the most important impacts Buddhism has had on my life is fully introducing me to the concept of the Middle way.

A beautiful way this core Buddhist principle is explained is through the Parable of the Lute. Although there is one major lesson to be learned from this Buddhist parable, there are several widely known versions of this story. 

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The first focuses on the experiences of Sona, who was a monk meditating alone in the forest during the time of the Buddha. Although he meditated diligently, he was frustrated by his lack of spiritual progress. He went to the Buddha to ask him why he was not being successful in his practice.

The Buddha answered, "Tell me Sona, in earlier days, were you not skilled in playing the stringed music of the lute?"

"Yes Lord" replied Sona.

"And, tell me, Sona, when the strings on the lute were too taut, was then your lute tuneful and easily playable?"

"Certainly not, O Lord."

"And when the strings on the lute were too loose, was then your lute tuneful and easily playable?"

"Certainly not, O Lord."

"But when, Sona, the strings of your lute were neither too taut nor too loose, and adjusted to an even pitch, did your lute then have a wonderful sound, and then was it easily playable?"

"Certainly, O Lord."

"Similarly Sona, if energy is applied too strongly, it will lead to restlessness, and if energy is too lax, it will lead to lassitude. Therefore Sona, keep your energy in balance and balance the Spiritual Faculties and in this way focus your attention."

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The previous discourse is from the Anguttara Nikaya, which literally means "increased by one collection". It is the fourth of the five nikayas (collections) in the Sutta Pitaka, which is part of the Pali Tipitaka of Theravada Buddhism. I found this version of the Parable of the Lute on a personal website citing Jack Kornfield's The Teachings of the Buddha, and from a Google Book, Buddhist Wisdom, The Path to Enlightenment. The terms and context pertaining to the Anguttara Nikaya can be found on Wikipedia.

Finally, here is a neat cartoon video clip depicting the exchange between Sona and the Buddha. I believe that it is done quite well, and would be perfect to show to teens and pre-teens. The video ends with commentary about following the Middle Way from the young people narrating the animation.

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In other versions of this parable, realization of The Middle Way through the proper tuning of a lute was made by Siddhartha Gautama (who later became the Buddha) himself. 

From what I have read so far, the following version has two variations: 

One day Siddhartha was meditating near a river bank. He was near starvation, his face sunken, his hair matted. He heard a fisherman teaching a young boy the proper way to tune a lute, a kind of stringed instrument. The fisherman said, "Listen, when the strings of the lute are too loose, the lute does not produce any sound, but when you tune it too tight, the strings snap. Only when the strings are tuned just right the lute can make music." (a similar variation describes the conversation between young girls learning to play the lute). 

Siddhartha, who had at that point spent several years depriving his body in his quest for enlightenment, had a revelation; One can achieve wisdom neither by a life of merriment nor of mortification, but only by a life lived in moderation- The Middle Way. This realization had very important implications for Siddhartha; his change in course would eventually lead him to enlightenment and to develop the foundations of Buddhism- the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

Indeed, Siddhartha's realization, and his teaching of this revelation to others, has had a huge impact on the history of the world. Providing a major guiding principle for millions of practicing Buddhists (and perhaps many others), his teaching helps us strive to guard ourselves against extremes that lead to ignorance, anger, and attachment.

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Does this parable resonate with you? What is your favorite version? Do you know of another version that you would like to share? How did learning about the Middle Way change your life?

May all beings be happy!  

Starting anew, starting small

It is amazing how feelings arise, grow, and eventually dissolve. Last year around this time, I was finishing up my graduate degree, and I was so done. So done with writing, with professors, with endless forms, corrections, done with everything. 

And to be honest, I continued to feel that way for over six months. But the more I look back, the more I realize that I probably needed it. It was a time to step away and say, alright, that's enough - I need to drop out for a while. And, despite my desire to be 'productive', even an A-type personality like me had to accept that reality. 

Now all that is far from my mind, and I am living a more contented life. Taking some time to re-prioritize my daily activities towards those that are meaningful and fulfilling has opened my eyes to how each day truly is a gift.  

I also realize that striving for something better while still being content with who I am now is possible. It is sometimes easier said than done, but it's happening. Everyday I take joy in learning new things, and anticipate activities with excitement rather than dread. Instead of being mocking reminders of things I probably won't accomplish, my aspirations now show my strength and abilities, my motivation to strive for something better.

As I start anew, I am starting small. I used to think that the only way to make progress was to spend huge blocks of time slogging away towards some nebulous 'goal'. But now, after much experience, I know that all the misplaced effort, the burnout, and yes, even pain, is not necessary. It has taken time, but I realize that all I need is to do a little each day, with fresh eyes and an open heart. And you know what? Instead of dreading the moment I must begin, now I am satisfactorily 'done' before I want to be!

As before, I am excited about where I'm going, but now also enjoy how far I have come, and most importantly, where I am now.

*****

Have you come to a point in your life where you've tired of the treadmill, gotten off, and discovered a new way of living? I would love to hear about it! Please share in the comments.

May all beings be happy!

How to do less housework- Maybe even enjoy it!

"Yeah, right!" you scoff. But just hear me out. I am definitely no FlyLady, but I am beginning to see the light as far as cleaning goes. I don't hate cleaning, but like many people, I don't want to do more of it than I have to. That is why I came up with this list, to organize my thoughts, live up to my desire to Live Simply, and perhaps even help someone else in the process. Here are the lessons I have learned so far:

• Remove your shoes. People from cultures all around the world (even Nordic ones) remove their shoes before entering their homes, both out or respect and for hygienic purposes. I agree on both counts. If you're not used to it, just give it a try (and reward yourself and your family with some comfy, feel-good slippers!). A simple idea, but it really makes a difference in keeping a house clean(er).
• Determine the most important tasks. Do you really need to dust your cabinet of knickknacks once a week or vacuum behind the couch? Or even keep the bathroom mirror looking spotless? The answer is no. The truth is, while you might notice if your paperweights are not sparkling, only a few tasks are actually noticed by others. In my experience these are: A vacuumed carpet, a clean bathroom, an uncluttered kitchen/dining room table, and dust-free computers and work surfaces. Choose whatever is important to you, and relevant to your home.
• Do a little every day/week. Once you've chosen the important tasks, do each of them once to twice a week, depending on your needs. There will also be some tasks that will only need to be done once a month or less, so schedule these accordingly (see below).
• Set a time limit. Let's face it, there are already many daily tasks besides the those mentioned above. These may include (depending on your priorities) making the bed, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning up after pets, and just tidying up. That means that adding any other task could eat up more of your free time if you're not careful. Discovering this, I decided to set a time limit. If I am vacuuming the carpet and my timer for 10 minutes goes off, I turn off the vacuum and put it away- whether or not the whole carpet is vacuumed. So what if I missed a spot? I'll take care of it next time. Of course, setting a limit also depends on the size of your home- so see what works for you. Bonus: Working against the clock has helped me clean more efficiently, and tackle areas that need the most attention first. As they say, the rest is gravy. 
• Be realistic. Know when when you are least likely to clean. For example, your busiest weekday or when you're trying to relax on the weekend. The world won't fall apart if you declare one day when there shall be no housework. In fact- it might make your world even better!  
• Set a schedule. Now that you have chosen what tasks are important, how long it takes to do them, and when you are most likely to get them done, schedule it out. I have used Google calendar with great success, simply by adding tasks to a weekly or monthly calendar. Even if I don't do the task exactly on the day, it gives me a guideline so that I focus just on what needs to be done- and don't waste time on what doesn't.  
• Ask for help. Just because your spouse works outside the home or your kids have school doesn't mean they can't pitch in. One regret I have heard from experienced parents is that they were too nervous or impatient to let their little ones help out around the house when they first showed the initiative. I have also read that some families make chores/decluttering a fun game for the whole family. So, try something to give yourself a break- it just might work! And don't be so proud, if someone offers to give you a hand, let them, even if you know they won't do a task as well as you. Give them the privilege of helping you, and use the occasion as yet another reminder that you don't have to do it all. 
• Declutter. If nothing else is a magic bullet, decluttering is. After all, you don't have to clean or take care of items that are no longer in your possession. If you don't use something and you are just spending time cleaning around it, then seriously, what good is it? Nowadays there are so many resources out there, such as Goodwill, The Salvation Army, Freecycle, Craigslist, Ebay, even recycling centers for old clothes and electronics that cannot be sold or donated, so that it is possible to get rid of unwanted items without being (or feeling) wasteful. No need to go berserk decluttering all at once, but just a little at a time will make a big difference, especially in the long-run.  
• Organize logically. If you have in fact chosen to go the decluttering route, you may find that organizing what is left becomes exponentially easier. But either way, a home's organization is so tied to personal preference, I won't say much about it, except that organization should be as simple, logical, and convenient as possible. 
• Be mindful. From a Buddhist perspective, cleaning is an excellent reminder of impermanence. We may wish that a room - or our whole house- will stay the way it is just after we clean it, but we know that it isn't so. In fact, if we consider entropy, or the tendency of everything towards disorder, we may even feel that the universe is against us! But if we put aside our ego we know that cleaning isn't about having the most perfect, spotless home, but simply to provide an environment for comfortable and happy living. If we can do that, we are on our way to cultivating joy in life's most mundane activities.  

I hope you enjoyed this post, and that it was helpful to you in some way. As always, I welcome you to share your suggestions and personal experiences in the comments.

May all beings be happy! 

A special birthday

Recently my beloved Grandmother celebrated her 100th birthday. My husband and I planned a visit to join in the festivities, and were very happy we were there to witness such an occasion. Although it takes a lot of effort for her to speak, we could tell how happy and excited she was by the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her face. Amazingly, my Grandmother now joins rank with several of her ancestors, who also lived to be centenarians.  

This special milestone got me thinking. Although knowing someone over 100 might temporarily trick us out of the reality that we live finite human lives, there is a real and greater lesson to be learned. With all the disease and dangers there still are in the world, we know that statistically, relatively few of us reach that grand old age. But we also know that it is possible to live to 100 and beyond, though we are never certain if we will until we have achieved it.  

That is why it is important to live a life that is governed by virtue, wisdom, and compassion. The longer we live, the more life experiences we have to look back on. And regardless of the inevitable challenges along the way, when we look back, we all want to have a sense of peace and contentment. Ever kind and helpful to others, my Grandmother lived that type of life, and despite the many hardships and sorrows of old age, this is its gift to her.

In turn, the stellar example she and people like her have set is a priceless lesson for the rest of us.

*****
Do you have someone close to you who lived a long life, a virtuous life, or both? What lessons have they taught you?        

"Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time." Life's Little Instruction Book, by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (not His Holiness the Dalai Lama :)

*****
May all beings be happy! 

Time for reflection

Hello fellow sentient beings! I may not have written in a while, but I have not been idle. In addition to really buckling down and applying for jobs, I have been thinking about a lot of things- and taking action. I don't know if I will write about all these things in detail here at BCB, but here they are!

I've been thinking about . . .

. . . productivity. Using President Eisenhower's method (made famous by Stephen Covey), I have taken a look at my daily/weekly/monthly activities and determined both their urgency and importance. This has helped a lot, and has led to me making significant changes in my priorities and how I spend my time.

. . . what it means to be a good citizen, and more specifically, a good American. I have been spending a lot of time self-educating, becoming more informed, and more active in the community. I also have devoured several biographies of famous Americans, which has been both fascinating and worthwhile.  

. . . cleaning. Mundane activities. How to do less of them, but still enough. I don't want to neglect our home and live in a mess, but since re-prioritizing, I find that less cleaning is definitely more. Because hey, there are more important things in life! :)

. . . organizing and decluttering. Directly related to cleaning, but a little more proactive. Currently I am in the midst of an all-out paper war, attacking each stack with my hand scanner, uploading the images, then shredding and discarding old receipts and papers. It has also been useful in locating important documents and storing them in a more organized fashion. I hope that the result will be an efficient filing system, documents that are easier to find, and a less cluttered home. We shall see!

. . . finances. As you can imagine, living on one small income on the east coast is not easy. So, I am trying to find ways to save (and potentially make) money. This past month I made some changes in the way I shop, resulting in a $100+ decrease in our grocery bill. It is a great start, but, there is more to do. The goal my husband and I have made is that we can start actually saving money, rather than living hand-to-mouth. And since there is so little left to cut (we have a pretty simple lifestyle to begin with) we will have to be creative! (Any ideas you may have would be appreciated.)

. . . fitness. To be honest, I have always HATED going to the gym. But, after noticing that I have started looking a little squishy, I decided to give it another try. And you know what? I love it! Recently the gym in our apartment complex purchased new equipment with screens that show views of national parks, so it feels like I am actually moving through the park while exercising. Needless to say, using these machines is so much fun! Another thing I think was crucial to enjoying my workouts was easing into the routine. One day in mid-February, I promised myself that I would work out once that week. Each week I tried to fit in one more workout, and by week five I was doing cardio 4x a week! Now I don't want to miss a workout- something unimaginable to me just a few months ago. I look forward to making additional changes to my workouts, and to continue challenging myself. 

. . . spirituality and God. Sometimes people misunderstand that being a Buddhist means also being an atheist. This in fact is not the case, it is just that the wisdom that the Buddha gave us in the form of the Four Noble Truths, Noble Eightfold Path, Five Moral Precepts, etc., do not require belief in God or a higher power. But that certainly doesn't mean that Buddhism dictates that someone can't or shouldn't believe. To make a very long story short (and a long post not as long :), I have thought a lot about my relationship with God, especially the fact that recently I had not included Him in my life. I have finally determined that this was because I needed to distance myself, not from God, but from how I had previously related to Him. In short, I needed an attitude adjustment, and I believe that with greater maturity and insight, a new relationship with God has started to blossom. 

*****

So that's about it- actually, I ended up writing a heck of a lot more than I thought I would! But thanks for bearing with me :) Although I abhor the fact that I am unemployed and feel that I am not contributing as much as I would like, there have been some blessings in disguise, like having the time to think about (and even act upon) other important aspects of my life. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post, despite its self-indulgent nature. I also hope that everything is well with you- As always feel free to share your thoughts and what is going on in your life in the comments below- I would love to hear from you!   

May all beings be happy!

Dinacharya: becoming in tune with life's rhythms

I generally don't make New Year's resolutions, and seeing that I am slowly weening myself of my own perfectionist tendencies, perhaps making one is not the best idea anyway. Sure, I want the typical things, i.e. to be better about writing cards and letters, remembering people's birthdays, decluttering, losing weight, and to have super-toned arms. But even if I were the resolution-making type, I feel that items like these are just distracting from the bigger picture- and from what I really want. 

What I want is simple, yet also profound, intriguing- and potentially quite challenging. 

I want to become more in tune with life, and the rhythms that help make us who we are. 

For so many years I have juggled various obligations- and been a slave to many masters, mainly the clock, the calendar, coursework, exams, labwork, my dissertation, and the expectations of others. The result is that although I may have accomplished a lot academically, years of ignoring and pushing aside the natural rhythms of life has left me feeling unsettled. I feel that for the first time in a long time, the current lull of activity in my life has given me the opportunity to focus on these rhythms, and to dedicate myself to becoming in tune with them. 

Although my efforts to cultivate mindfulness would probably count as 'tuning in', they have been sporadic, and more focused on my own actions, rather than how they fit into the bigger picture. As someone interested in Ayurveda (the ancient Hindu system of traditional medicine), I have time and again come across the concept of Dinacharya, or recommended daily routine. I won't get into all the details here, but I will just say that I am impressed with the way Ayurveda determines how to treat and nourish the whole person, based upon carefully determined characteristics of an individual. What's more, is through the recommended daily/weekly actions of Dinacharya, one learns to be in tune with one's own body- and the natural world around us.

Why is this so important to me? I feel that in today's fast paced, modern world, we are vulnerable not only to stress and exhaustion, but to losing sight of who we are- and where we fit within the backdrop of the natural universe. And let's be honest, despite all the gizmos, gadgets, and apps we humans have invented to entertain and comfort ourselves, the serenity of a peaceful natural setting outmatches our "smart" phone every time.  

What does all this have with Buddhism? To put it simply, I think that in becoming aware of natural phenomena outside the context of ourselves will be a great endeavor in cultivating mindfulness, not only of the natural world, but in how we are connected to it. This type of wisdom is something I believe would have strong and lasting effects on the physical, emotional, and mental health of sentient beings- and perhaps even on the earth's environment.    

So, as far as 'tuning in' I am viewing this as a very long-term goal. After all, years (maybe decades) of being 'tuned out' will certainly take some undoing. But it is not a race. I know it will be hard to switch gears- thinking about he turning of the earth, the changing of the seasons, the phases of the moon- it might all sound very remote. But we must never forget that these things are part of who we are- things we think we have abandoned and forgotten. But we can get back in touch with them, even on a very simple level, if we just take the time to watch and listen. 

And that's just what I intend to do. 

*****

What did you think about the ideas presented in this post? Do you think it is possible to reconnect with the natural rhythms of life, especially after being 'tuned out' so long? Is it important to even try? How do you think the above relates to Buddhism, if at all? 

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished" ~ Lao Tzu

May all beings be happy!