Growing gratitude

Today I am grateful for a Bible reading my sister-in-law shared with me a few days ago called 'Growing Gratitude'. Since I wanted to savor the reading rather than just skim through it, I waited until today to read it. I am glad I did because it really lifted my spirits. I would not say today was a bad day, or that anything went very wrong, but as any parent can tell you, some days are just . . . hard. For no real reason I felt a weight on me, along with a tiredness that made it difficult to get my gratitude in gear!

Well, reading that post changed all that. It reminded me that there are so many people out there also tuning in to gratefulness for all the good things in their lives, and that this is the right thing to do.

"Thou hast given so much to me, give one thing more: a grateful heart."

~ George Herbert, "Gratitude"  

I am grateful for the timeliness of that article, and for an extremely intuitive sister-in-law! 😊

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This is an entry for the Gratitude practice I am working towards during 2018. Please feel free to read all about it here.

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May all beings be happy!

Time to myself

Today I finally did what I had wanted to do for some time- go and work out at the gym, or at least take a walk outside. Since it was 16 degrees F at 7am, I opted for the former. Nothing serious, I just walked on the treadmill, but it felt good to get moving again. I am so close to losing all the baby weight, but reaching that goal does require some effort on my part. So does getting up early in the morning when my daughter and husband are all snuggled in and fast asleep. 

Normally making this extra effort would annoy me, but clearly it is what is required since I will be cooped up every day until the weather gets warmer. Instead I feel grateful for having that time to myself, for myself, because the effort will be worth it- and I don't know if tomorrow will give me the same opportunity.

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am hoping to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 

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May all beings be happy!

Fearing gratitude

Since beginning this gratitude journey I have experienced a lot of positive and uplifting emotions. However, since in my view showing gratitude also means being honest with myself, I do want to note that there is a flip side. Along with what we might call negative emotions, my mind has been occupied with many questions . . . 

Doubt: Will I be able to keep going with this practice? What if these initial feelings are just a fluke? Will being grateful actually improve the quality of life for me and those around me, or am I just deluding myself?

Self-consciousness: When I express gratefulness, do people think I am bragging or trying to flaunt some 'perfect life'? Will anyone be angry if I do not show them gratitude soon enough, or in a way they expect? What if I forget someone?

Fear: Could expressing gratefulness in this manner 'tempt fate' and result in losing everything important to me? Will my fledgling gratitude be tested in a way I will not be able to handle? Will I alienate people I care about?

Clearly, most of these questions are quite unfounded. Viewed logically, I know that if someone is unhappy because of timing or the way I express gratitude, then perhaps my thankfulness is misplaced. If anyone is annoyed or alienated by my posts, they don't need to read them. I know that most people's busy lives don't permit much time to dwell on what others think of them. Finally, I can only hope there is no 'evil eye' out to get me, seeking revenge for my acknowledgment of the good things in my life.  

Though I would not necessarily describe this adventure as 'brave', I did not expect that discussing what I am grateful for would leave me feeling a little exposed; that it would take courage. 

Well, as we all know almost nothing worth doing in life is easy, and if my own change in attitude so far is any indication, I think I am on the right track. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 

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May all beings be happy!

Baby steps

I am very excited to report that yesterday our daughter took her first steps! Her face was pure joy as she let go of the furniture and took two tiny but confident steps before carefully sitting back down and beaming from ear to ear. 

This happened while my husband and I were seated together in the small den we now use as her playroom, watching her crawl, cruise, and scuttle around from toy to toy. As her sense of balance improved, we knew that first steps were not far behind, but I was almost certain that she would not do it with both of us there- because that's not how these things work! 😆

I am very grateful that both my husband and I were present to witness our daughter's first steps. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am hoping to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 
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May all beings be happy!

Too tired for gratitude?

Today was busy, busy, busy. I mean, honestly every day is (for everyone, not just me), but today did get the better of me. After getting a mountain of groceries (two carts!) it took over an hour to reorganize the freezer, fridge, and cabinets and put the food and supplies away. Adding this to a surprise dental appointment, cleaning the big mess under the highchair, the fact that my daughter skipped her afternoon nap (no lunch 'break' for me!), and much less sleep than I had hoped and I was pretty much done.

As I was putting away the last of the groceries I noticed some negative, critical thoughts creeping in. My old pals annoyance, frustration, and discontent were on their way to join me for my pity party. But I stopped them before they even got through the door. I realized there was nothing wrong with the situation, I was just really tired and needed a break. 

Soon after that I was able to cuddle with my daughter as she fell asleep, and later spend some quality time with my husband. As we sat and spoke quietly together, I felt the gratitude returning. Its presence was warm and peaceful, and it was comforting that it was still there, unaffected by the negative emotions from earlier in the day.

I have discovered that in order to truly feel gratitude you need to nurture it, which also means to take care of yourself. I guess that is why so many refer to this process as 'cultivating' a gratitude 'practice', and I am grateful that I am now beginning to understand the true meaning of those words. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am hoping to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 

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May all beings be happy! 

Failure

Failure. Defeat. Falling short. All are words that most of us don't like to admit to or hear in reference to ourselves. However, though "grateful" may not exactly describe my sentiments about my own failings, I must acknowledge the role failure has played in the my life's path- even in realizing some of the things that are most important to me. 

For example, if I had not failed to get into the graduate program of my choice I would not have met an amazing group of friends. I would not have met my graduate advisor, who's practical and innovative approach to research and teaching will be something I remember for the rest of my life. I would never have met my dear husband, or been welcomed into his wonderful family. My lovely daughter would not exist. I may not even have come across the Buddhist path- or written this blog! 

All this from one decision that was only partially in my control- On paper, I could meet the requirements and fill out the forms, but the outcome was ultimately up to someone else. I guess I will never know the alternate result, but after that initial disappointment, things did eventually work out. Sure, failure can sting when you really want something, but as long it is not the difference between life and death, it is sometimes not so bad. In my experience, it can be an unexpected new beginning that leads to great things- as long as you get up and try again. 

So, in being 'grateful' for the times I have failed (ha, a grudging type of gratefulness I must admit 😇), I am also grateful for all the things, experiences, and people I cherish. 

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am hoping to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 

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May all beings be happy!

For * pleasant * surprises

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings. It began with me getting up super late, which is not a terrible thing, but then I do usually have to play 'catch up', which I do not like. The really not-so-great thing was the little misunderstanding between my husband and me about the recycling. The bin in our apartment complex is a bit of a trek, so I had been putting off taking it out. As the mountain of cardboard boxes and other recyclables became too much for me to ignore, I placed everything outside the door. My husband and I had a short conversation about it, and I said that I would take the bags if he would take the cardboard boxes. Well, apparently all he heard was "I'll do it" 😏 , resulting in neither of us taking the boxes. 

Of course, it poured overnight, and we awoke to a soggy pile of cardboard on our doorstep. I wasn't happy about it, but I still volunteered to lug the mess to the recycling bin (yup, and it was still raining). I don't know about you, but for me having to carry a bunch of wet cardboard boxes is on par with things like plucking hair from the drain and putting on a wet bathing suit. By the time I got to the bin I was a little, ahem . . . annoyed. 

Since I had the keys with me I decided I would check the mailbox. To my great surprise, it was a parcel from my sister! Though I did not even know what it was, seeing this instantly made me feel better. I was pretty much soaked through and therefore still a little peeved, but this grateful little boost to my spirits allowed me to come back to the apartment without steam coming from my ears. I teased my husband (who, seeing my wet figure in the doorway now looked rather guilty) about 'making me' go and laughed off my drowned rat look while he got me a towel. 

I know I would not have responded this way if I had not allowed myself to feel grateful for this pleasant surprise- which arrived at just the right time!

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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am hoping to develop during 2018. You can read all about it here. 

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May all beings be happy!