As I have mentioned, the first year of my daughter's life has been one of my best- but also one of the most challenging. Soon after her birth, I was hit with the strongest emotions I have ever experienced. Though I was so happy and proud to be a parent of this amazing little human, I was incredibly anxious and tense, and the 'sleep when the baby sleeps' saying seemed like a cruel joke.
Despite my husband's valiant efforts to make me feel better, I also felt so alone, because in truth, I was. I knew I could always call my mom and sister, but everyone was so far away. Most* of the people I knew who said that they were 'there if I ever needed anything' ended up MIA. I was angry at myself for being so naive, and felt sad and disillusioned.
Now I understand what a difference a year can make. Around this time last year I was exhausted, lonely, and my confidence was at an all-time low. Though in some ways I felt stronger (I had delivered a BABY after all!), I was the heaviest I had ever been and felt in the worst shape of my life.
Finally, the weather began to improve and I was able to take baby out in the stroller for short walks. Those walks became longer and longer, and slowly the weight (and inches) started to come off. My pre-pregnancy clothes started to fit again, and I finally slid into one of my favorite pairs of jeans!
I still have a little ways to go, and since this isn't a fitness blog, I have decided to not get into the exact numbers here. But as I approach my goals I am amazed by how different I feel, not only how I look. It is not as much about vanity anymore, but also witnessing how a change in mindset has eventually led to changes in my physique.
I am grateful for resilience, both mental and physical, and for the strength my husband, my family, and my own body and mind have given me.
*I do mean most, but not all. More about that later 😀
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This post is part of the daily gratitude practice I am working to develop during 2018. You can read all about it at ByChanceBuddhism!
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May all beings be happy!
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