Note to Self: Let's Stress Compassion

In my last post I wrote about stress, and how constantly hearing about other people's 'little' problems can try one's patience. Questioning my annoyance, I realized that it was unfair to judge how others deal with stress. This because the only way we can learn how to deal with stress is, unfortunately, to experience it ourselves. Stress is a global human problem, but also a very personal one that can only be truly relevant to the person experiencing it.

In this post I wanted to get to the core reason of writing about this topic. As I contemplated the issue, one of the most obvious conclusions was that it is all relative. I thought of all the people in my life who have been under intense pressure, and my thoughts rested on my Mom, who was so strong while my Dad was in the hospital with a serious condition. Yes, it was difficult for me as a ten year old kid, but as I thought of her, dealing with it herself, I was overcome with compassion. She not only dealt with the overwhelming amount of stress, but she protected me from it. Throughout my childhood, my parents instilled a 'roll with the punches' attitude. If they had not done this, I may not have dealt with the stresses I later experienced in a constructive manner. I thank both of them for their excellent guidance.

So over the past few days I have explored three ideas about stress: 

1) Judging others for how they react to stress is not only unfair, it is impossible. Anything felt by someone else is beyond our experience. I had to take my self and feelings out of the equation to respond to other people's stress more respectfully.   

2) Removing myself from the situation made me especially open to how relative stress is. This reinforced the notion that what I have experienced in my life may seem like a cakewalk to someone else, which in turn helped me generate compassion for others.

3) Attitude is everything in how one deals with stress, regardless of prior experience. Often, we have someone else to thank for helping us develop a positive attitude. I owe that thanks to my parents.

Did this post benefit you? How? Is there anything you would like to add?

May all beings be happy!

Note to Self: Stress is a Human Problem

The other day I was a little out of sorts as I felt everyone around me was making mountains out of their own personal molehills ('white whine', anyone?). Plagued by annoyance, I decided to step back a bit and think about why I was reacting. I revisited the various sources of stress that had been in my life since childhood. Despite an otherwise happy life, the effects of some have only partially subsided.

Still, I felt that I needed to get off my high horse. I can roll my eyes about people's whining, but I should not judge how 'well' others deal with stress. Unfortunately, learning how to live with stress can only come from experience, and that is really not something I would want to go around wishing on people. It is impossible to project how others 'should' deal with stress, since all stress a person's life is relative to what they alone have experienced. All anyone can expect another human being to do is to react accordingly.

So, as 'good' as I have become in dealing with stress, it does not mean that I am prepared for anything. In fact, not even close. I have encountered high levels of stress, and know that I will probably continue to do so. But in order to correct my lack of understanding of others' stress I had to take myself out of the equation and focus on seeing stress (in its myriad forms) as a truly global human problem. 

What do you think? Would thinking less about your own emotions and more about the overall picture help you? What suggestions do you have?

May all beings be happy!

Short and Sweet

Hello Everyone! I just wanted to acknowledge that my past few posts have been kind of lengthy. Although I recognize the value of sometimes just letting the thoughts flow into the keyboard, I also know that short posts can be the most powerful. Just as the realm of scientific papers and Haiku poetry uphold succinctness, I will make writing concise, well-written posts my new goal. After all, there are people who make a living with poetry, short stories, and scientific writing. (I think they might be on to something!!! * wink *)

May all beings be happy!!

Value Yourself, Value Your Time

I have a horrible habit of wasting time. And there is no better enabler to a lazyass like me than the internet. If there is work to be done, facebook, tumblr, twitter and email, here I come!!

However, this post is not about the internet and its usefulness versus its seductive time-suck qualities. This is about me. And you. And our time on this earth. We know it is limited, and actually frighteningly short. In contrast to other belief systems, Buddhists believe that our mindstream will continue into one life form to another after we exit from this life, provided that we are still stuck in the cycle of suffering and rebirth (Samsara). However, this cycle is not some kind of karmic joyride. Human beings who live well have some of the best chances of all sentient beings to end the cycle of suffering caused by ignorance, anger, and delusion (regardless of religion). Compared to the promise of an afterlife found in the Abrahamic religions, this too adds a sense of urgency, so that we see our lives as an opportunity that should not be trifled with.

Yet, regardless of this awareness, we still find countless ways to waste our own time. And it is frustrating, at least to me. Seconds tic by, then minutes, hours, years, and decades, eventually concluding yet another lifetime. Time is a one-way ticket, as each passing moment is gone forever.

In an effort to begin quelling my desire to waste time, I felt that I first had to understand why I do it. Is it boredom? Fatigue? Anxiety? Selfishness? On the surface, it could be any of those things. But when I thought about it, I realized that there was a direct correlation to my wasting time and feeling down in the dumps. Ironically, it is the self-centered feeling generated by my 'woe is me' attitude that contributes to my own self-neglect. This manifests itself in not taking as much care in what I wear, eat, how well I sleep, and yes, how I spend my time. If I am happy and content I am much less likely to spend my time tooling around the internet or mindlessly watching TV.

Why? If I am feeling depressed, I get caught up in a destructive and self-centered 'I am worthless' monologue, which sucks the life out of any goals or priorities that I would normally deem worthy and important. If I am not important, my goals are not important, then my time certainly does not seem so important. So I waste it, despite how much I am intellectually aware of how valuable it is. 

My conclusion: I believe mindfulness of emotions is the answer. Although I may realize the destructiveness of self-pity-induced languor, it, along with sadness and anger, still occur. I am a human being, and I know that still having so many ties to ignorance, anger, and delusion means that negative emotions will creep in. But instead of pushing them away, having these emotions offers an opportunity to observe them mindfully, to study and learn from them. This mindfulness has helped me realize that they are also impermanent.

So though time is a complex phenomenon, it ticks along as we breathe from one moment to the next. Just as we need to truly value ourselves in order to value others, we need to value our breath, or true being, in order to value our time. When we can value our breath, we can use our time wisely to live in the present moment to strive towards and achieve the the things we care about most.

"Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life." Thich Nhat Hanh

May all beings be happy!!

The Farmers' Market: My Weekly Spiritual Retreat

Every weekend I go to a place where people are happy to be there. They are courteous, smile when they greet each other, and happily share with one another.

No, I am not talking about a weekly trip to a temple, dharma center, or dharma talk (although I well could be!). The joyous place I am referring to is my local farmer's market. Located in the center of Lafayette, the farmer's market I visit is the second largest in Indiana. With vendors selling local, in season fruits and vegetables, meat, fish, honey, crafts, breads and baked goods, and with music playing and people laughing, the atmosphere is carnival-like.

Yet still, it is almost holy. Ever since I started going, I noticed that although many patrons are full of boisterous energy, almost everyone is careful and mindful when choosing produce. They search reverently through the stacks of vegetables and cartons of berries, until they find that perfect bunch of basil or half pint of raspberries, and then proudly turn to the farmer to pay, an exchange which is often accompanied by a few moments of friendly banter.

As I walk through the street that has been cordoned off for the morning, I am amazed at how many people are smiling and so happy to be there. They are also willing to share with one another, which I personally experienced yesterday when I found the most beautiful basket of tart cherries I had ever seen. It was quite a large basket for one person, and it was $7. It was also the last basket. After I paid for my strawberries, I turned to a woman who I had seen also eying the cherries and asked if she would like to split it. She enthusiastically agreed, and after we asked the ladies at the booth, we paid, everyone thanked each other, and the lady and I parted ways with an even half basket of beautiful fresh cherries.

For the most part, I don't think that type of exchange would be possible at most conventional grocery stores. With their fluorescent lighting, piped in music, and aisles of processed foods, a typical grocery and farmer's market are worlds away. Not to say that grocery stores are bad, or that one can't have the same type of friendly and meaningful exchanges with the butcher, baker, or produce person. You may get to know them well and, in fact, cherish them greatly. Grocery stores are convenient and are a fixture in modern life, and let's face it, the reason for the aisles of processed foods is because we (as a society) demand it. But the major difference in atmosphere and overall feel cannot be denied. 

So getting back to my weekly market ritual, I just want to say how great it is to wake up, excited to go there, walk from my apartment, arrive and peruse the many vendor's booths for fresh, local produce. From the time I start out until I place the last item on my shelf or in the refrigerator, I am undeniably happy. And I think the same is true for most of the people who attend the market. This is why I strongly believe that in order to be happy, people need to somehow be close to the earth, and connected with their community. Recently I have lamented the fact that spiritual practice is sometimes difficult to reach, but who am I kidding? It is right here, right now, in the simple exchange at a produce stand. This is one of the few places one can immediately see the immense benefit that purchasing something fresh for oneself/family has on another person and their family. How's that for love, compassion, and true spiritual practice?

To find a local farmer's market near you, check out Local Harvest

May all beings be happy!

Write Speech

Anyone who is familiar with basic Buddhist concepts such as the Noble Eightfold Path (see below) knows that Right Speech is the first component of Moral Discipline. It is defined as follows:

"Right speech, explained in negative terms, means avoiding four types of harmful speech: lies (words spoken with the intent of misrepresenting the truth); divisive speech (spoken with the intent of creating rifts between people); harsh speech (spoken with the intent of hurting another person's feelings); and idle chatter (spoken with no purposeful intent at all)." Thanissaro Bhikkhu, 1999

And for anyone who knows me personally, they know that, except for the lying and slander, I would be the first to admit that I have failed miserably in Right Speech. On any given day, my words are often idle, irreverent, and yes, graphic. Some people might call it 'colorful'. I wouldn't completely say that I have a 'potty mouth', but the F-bomb is certainly a well-worn word in my vocabulary. 

I do want to change, I really do, but I have found that the shocked laughter that outrageous quips can generate is addictive! Saying shocking things is fun, with the added benefit that you also sound fun, maybe even cool and confident. 

However, the conflict I sometimes feel indicates that there might be something wrong with my verbal behavior. I am under the impression that I have enough maturity and experience to know that one doesn't need to cuss to be funny or creative. Plus, I knew things were getting bad when the people I work with appropriated a mason jar to 'pay' for 'inappropriate comments' (not just for me, but for all of us)! Loose change for loose mouths, I guess.

But since I do genuinely want to change, I have a strategy. Several times I have not only focused on being mindful of my speech, but pretended that I had to write down everything I said. The result? Well, I certainly spoke a lot less!! But more importantly, I only spoke when it was useful, helpful, and necessary.

Yeah, it seems too rigid, especially for a big talker like me. But I think it will be good practice for generating mindful speech, until I become more aware. As a wise man once said, if you can't control your mouth, how can you control your mind?

So for now, it's 'Write Speech' for Right Speech, at least while I'm at work.

What do you think? Would this work for you? Comments are welcome.

May all beings be happy!

Noble Eightfold Path

Wisdom

1. Right view
2. Right intention

Moral Discipline
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
Concentration
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration

The merit of doing 'nothing'

I recently purchased author and life coach Martha Beck's 2003 book, The Joy Diet. I have not yet finished it, but in my opinion the value of this book is apparent from the first page. Her overall analysis and advice begins by explaining that many of her clients have that dreaded but still uncomfortably common feeling, that something is missing from their lives.

What intrigued me is the very first challenge she puts forth. Do nothing- just for 15 minutes each day. Her account of people's reaction to this suggestion is descriptive, as she quips many "balk like irritated camels".

But, imaginative comparisons aside, the analysis and argument she discusses is convincing. 'Nothing' in this context is not bad, lazy, or negative, as our psyche obsessed with 'progress' and 'productivity' might subconsciously hiss.

Referring to the struggle people face in overcoming trauma and finding meaning in their lives, Beck writes:

"The best way to break through any barrier is to access a point of perfect stillness at the center of your being, a self deeper than your senses or your mind."  

That stillness, that place of peace, cannot be accessed as we flutter about, chasing after everything in our tumultuous lives and minds. Ambition is fine, and indeed admirable, but we have to make the time to just be still, so we can come back to ourselves and eventually grasp the 'whys' and the 'hows' of who we really are.

As I read the chapter it became clear that the essence of what Beck suggests is meditation. When stripped of the stereotypical accessories and preconceived notions, meditation is really about 'doing nothing'. Or perhaps more precisely, as a living, breathing, sentient being, one is non-doing. And that non-doing is the mindfulness bell that brings one back to the breath, core purpose, and eventually, one's core being.  

In the past, I have admittedly viewed meditation as just another thing I feel obligated to do, whether consciously or not. But with the wisdom of many funneled through the skilled writings of Martha Beck and others like her, I have come to realize that meditation is one less thing to 'do', and, more importantly something to drop all 'doing', and just experience. After all, everything we would ever need to know, want, and love is already present at our core being. To access that, we are blessed by the fact that all we have to do is sit down and shut up- if only for a few minutes each day.

What does non-doing or 'being still' mean to you? What experiences have you had just 'being still'? How could it benefit you and other beings? 

May all beings be happy!