My Grandmother

I know that, during the course of these gratitude posts, I have mentioned my maternal grandmother and the great impact she had on my life. April 21st marks the date of her birth, and today she would have been 107. Amazingly, she was still with us six years ago. Although her health took a steep decline in her last year of life, we all had the joyous privilege of celebrating her 100th birthday with her. 

As with many of these posts there is no way I can truly express all the love, the smiles, the memories, and yes, the gratitude I feel towards Grandma in just a couple of paragraphs. But I would like to just say a few words to honor the woman she was. 

Before sharing my 'list' of thank you's for the precious memories and moments, I would also like to remark how in some ways Grandma was a woman ahead of her time. Her enthusiasm for meeting and embracing people from different cultures resulted in many heartwarming stories, and ultimately a family and network of friends spanning the globe. I see this influence in my own family as I rustle around, sari-clad for an Indian festival, and as I look into my daughter's dark, laughing eyes (oh, how Grandma would have loved her! ).  

Thank you Grandma, for . . .
tasking me with planting all those impatiens around the front of your house. It showed me how a day of hard work can yield beauty for a whole season.
laughing at my silly jokes and numerous voice impressions.
a pantry full of fruit roll-ups and other goodies for hungry kids on our way home from school.
talking to me for hours.
not holding too much of a grudge after 3-year-old me pulled your hair while traveling around Europe in a VW bus.
yanking that plastic bag off my (also 3-year-old) head, even though I cried.
playing 'Mr. Rogers' with me, where we would arduously climb to the top of your stairs and just sit and talk about Mr. Rogers, the king, the tiger, and especially the trolley. (I realize now that you probably had other things to do! 😀)
telling me about your family; all those stories, whether happy, sad, strange, or funny.
sending me letters, even when I was in graduate school, when I know writing must have been difficult.
your delicious pies and baked beans.
that beautiful pewter pin you gave me with the butterflies on it.
teaching me that it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be interested and engaged in political knowledge and current affairs.
your love of foxes.
Saturday morning breakfast, enough said.
your beautiful gardens.
your devotion and love for family. 
all those beautiful cards you sent, for almost every occasion I can think of.
coming to my wedding. My dear brother and his lovely wife are the people who made that possible, and despite your difficulties, you made it there. I will never forget the whole family surrounding you as we danced to 'Chaiya, Chaiya' - and you smiling 😊🙏 🙌
for making a point of telling me about your joy at my imminent arrival into this world; that story warms my heart and has always made me feel so very loved.

Happy Birthday, Grandma- I love you and think of you often as I feel your presence in my life.

*****
This post is part of the Gratitude Practice and post series I began in 2018.

May all beings be happy!

A choice to make

It has again been a long time since I have written a new post. Again, a lot of things have happened, as might be expected. But with the current COVID-19 crisis and the turmoil and pain it has created for so many people, right now my any offering of gratitude I have in my own life could seem very trite, as if I am oblivious to what is happening in the world today.

This sentiment is magnified 100 fold as my own family also deals with crushing loss. Following the passing of someone very dear to us, we are still reeling. How can I continue to write about the chirping birds, spring flowers and 'the good things in life', when the hearts of my loved ones (and my own) are breaking?

I guess what I am trying to say is, I have a decision to make. Although I have been absent for most of last year, I love writing here at BCB. I have not always shared my thoughts and dreams lately, but it is here that my heart and mind often wander.

The question is though, what exactly should I do now? When I first started this blog in 2010, I wanted it to add value to other people's lives by opening their eyes to Buddhism from an 'outsider's' perspective. After an emotionally tumultuous beginning to parenthood, I began a written gratitude practice in 2018. This added value to my life and changed my perspective in a major way. I would also like to think that it has added value to the lives of others as they deal with their own problems and frustrations.

Right now, at the precipice of this choice, I have several options. From the least to the most drastic: I can stay the course with my current gratitude practice, revert more directly to the original purpose of BCB, change course in terms of topic and scope of this blog, or let go of it entirely.

Right now I really am completely unsure about what to do. I know that I do not need to make my decision right now, but if my ever-helpful (and ever-forgiving) readers could offer any advice, now would be the time. _/\_

*****
May all beings be happy!